Theology

The Short Answer

Since this seems to be a topic that people are curious enough to inquire about, here goes ...

I grew up in the Lutheran church. I first read the Bible on my own when I was in the fourth grade. I was confirmed at the end of the eighth grade. When I was 14, I had a definite experience that some might call a conversion or being born again. Throughout high school, I was involved in bible study groups in the Lutheran church.

When I was 16, I started hanging out with friends at a couple of pentecostal churches. I had another definite experience, something that pentecostals call the baptism in the holy spirit. I had other spiritual experiences as well. I was involved with pentecostal churches until I was 28.

I went to bible college for two and a half years, preparing for the ministry. But with time, I grew to realize that I didn't have the temperament for that profession. I began to understand this when I served an internship at a local church. It hit me in the face when I interviewed for a job at another church but I didn't get along with the head pastor. (You might find that story elsewhere on this web site if you poke around.)

I lived for four years in a Christian household with other brothers who attended various San Jose churches. Most of them also attended San Jose State University. (An aside: one of those guys, who is now a missionary in Peru, is my girlfriend's brother. I didn't know that when I started dating her. As they say, god works in strange ways. Or, truth is stranger than fiction. Or, it's a small world when you're from San Jose. Or something like that.)

I eventually became disillusioned with my church's involvement in local and national politics, their attitudes toward gay people, their stands on reproductive freedom, and their continued misuse of donated money, even after complaints. What scared me most was that my church was very similar to other area churches in these respects, which left me floundering a bit as I sought a place where I could feel at home. I never did find that place in any church.

Shortly after I stopped going to church, I started square dancing, which eventually replaced the church as a focus of my social activity. Since I left the church, I've found the one thing the church always promised but rarely delivered: the love of the people around me. I also grew up, something that children don't usually do until after they leave home. At the time, leaving the church was the hardest decision I had ever made; in retrospect, it was undoubtedly the right decision.

If you're looking for a statement of what I believe, here's a brief summary:

• I believe all individuals are very messed up and need salvation. That is, people are basically selfish and dishonest, and the power to change comes only from outside.

• I believe some people benefit from a relationship with god, others get very messed up by the same experience, and most people just use the experience as another opportunity to continue their selfish and dishonest habits, i.e. to continue the status quo.

• I believe truth is truth, and knowledge is power. If what the church teaches is true, it has nothing to lose and everything to gain from allowing its members to consider alternative points of view. By refusing to allow its members to think, the religious establishment demonstrates that it has no faith in the veracity of its own tenets.

• I believe that if there is a god, the churches don't do a very good of being that "light on a hill." However, many individuals of many different faiths shine with a light that indicates there is a god who has touched them deeply. (Hint: if you think you are one of those people, you're almost certainly not one of those people.)

• I don't expect any of the above to change any time soon.

  What has been is what will be,
  and what has been done is what will be done;
  and there is nothing new under the sun.
  - Ecclesiastes 1:9

Last updated Wednesday 25 March 2009